Blah

Blah. That's how I feel at this very moment. I feel as though I am at a crossing in my life and I don't know which way to go. Have you ever felt like that? I feel as though I am dragging a huge weight around and I don't know how to get rid of it. 

I should be happy that I am healthy and have two amazing kids. But after loosing my job with an amazing doctor, I just feel lost. To not be given a valid reason, or an explanation has left me feeling empty. It makes me want to lash out, but at what... I feel like there is no point. Who would I lash out at? The dr who hates confrontation? The other employee who raised her voice at me in front of patients? The CFO who lied to my face? The surgery lead who really had no reason for being there and who called me a liar to my face on multiple occasions? To say it was a hostile environment would be silly.... How can it be hostile when you have nurses coming in your office and yelling at you? Or having other MAs talking shit directly to your face... 

I should be happy that I don't have to deal with any of that anymore, but I am not. I helped build something that is going to be so successful and now that I am not a part of it, I feel a void. 

I know how I want to deal with the void that has been left, but I can't do that. When I was younger I would fill the empty feeling with booze and partying... When you get older you can't do that anymore. You're an adult, not a child anymore...

I will get over it with time. I just need to get out of this funk. I know I will with time...